Of Guilt….

You are generous, like your obscure namesake
from a lost era.
Pure of soul, heart of gold.
Courageous, like a tragic hero.
My brave knight, my best friend.
My solace in times of gloom.
The morning light, that broke
after an interminably long,
dark and murky night of desolation.
My hope in times of despair.
The bearer of joy and mirth.
The kiss of life, on my moribund lips.

How I take from you!
And, how you rejoice in it!
How I pillage your life,
and how you forgive.
Your unconditional love knows no bounds.
You pour it into a flawed ,fickle soul.
There it festers and guilt brims to the surface.
Why the wanton lavishing of your love’s largesse, angel?
Why the forgiveness for the pain I cause?
Such a recipient is, surely, unworthy of your sublime devotion?

The lost hope rears its ugly head yet again.
O! Its treachery.
Like a virulence that strikes ever so often.
Stealthy, insidious…
It has me in its thrall.
It releases me, (only to come claim me at a later date.)
But not before it drains me hollow.
Such power it wields, so potent its lure.

And the wicked heart, the wicked heart
has its weaknesses.
It craves for another.
Another, quite out of reach.
Shunning you , disparaging your love.
Why then does that love not cease?
Why does it go from strength to strength?
The good come to good, they say.
And the evil, to evil.
What good has your goodness come to?
Tragedy has struck again.
You are a tragic hero once more.
History repeats itself.
Can God be so cruel to a darling child?
A child so innocent?
So star-crossed and forsaken, as to
battle the ravages alone?

What is kind cruelty?
How do I make it painless?
How do I make you numb?
Has a kind knife been forged?
Does time heal the scars?
And the memory of the pain?
Will the phoenix rise from its devastation?

I cannot, in good faith, stay.
I will not ,while my thoughts lie elsewhere.
Goodbye, my angel.
My dear one,
It wasn’t meant to be.


P.S. Self-indulgent poetic extravagance or emotional catharsis? You decide.