Happy Birthday! Let’s get you hitched.

(Excerpts from an imaginary conversation between a twenty-something Indian, female and her mother on her (i.e. the twenty-something Indian female) birthday)

Mother: (sulking) Happy birthday.

Daughter: Thank you! It is nice to see you so happy that I’ve lived to see another year.

M: Sure, make jokes. You’ll see, all the nice guys will be snapped up before you know it.

D: (aside) With the sex-ratio so skewed in favour of guys, I doubt that’ll ever happen. It’s probably 3 guys to 1 girl. OMG, what a dream- one to cook, one to clean and another to carry all the shopping bags, pure bliss. (Aloud) Don’t worry Ma, you’ll find that someone special.

M: (marking a newspaper matrimonial in red) This one’s good. Listen, CA guy, lives in Singapore, wants engineer, doctor or MBA girl from our BB (don’t even ask) community.

D: (ever the artful dodger) Ma, don’t you want me to live nearby? Why ship me off all the way to Singapore? (aside) That’s right, play the emotional blackmail card; the tears welling up were a nice touch. If she picks a local guy, say you want to see the world and are looking for a global life-partner. I love mind-games. (aloud) I wonder if I should buy those shoes I saw yesterday.

M: (momentarily distracted) The black and silver ones? They should be a perfect fit. (Peering into the newspaper) Hmm, sounds reliable, good family, well-educated…

D: Are we still talking about shoes?

M: You are approaching your (shuddering and almost in a whisper) mid-twenties. Mid-twenties. Mid- twenties. Don’t be so flippant about these things. Your aunts, uncles, their second cousins and the neighbours and their cousins are looking too. Can’t you cooperate a little?

D: By “cooperate” you mean “don’t kick and scream while you are being led to the gallows”?

M: Don’t be morbid. Look at your cousins, they are so happily settled. (eyes averted heavenward, probably in a reverie of seeing D married)

D: (aside) They didn’t have the spirit to stand their ground. Given a chance now, I bet they’d rethink their decision to get hitched. (aloud) I’m sure they are. Ma, I want to live my life. Is that so bad?

M: There’ll be plenty of time to live your life after you are married.

D: What about my career? What if I have to relocate? How am I to be sure of the guy? What if he moon-lights as an axe-murderer? What if…?

M: Of course, it has its risks (as though conceding a minor point), but you’ll learn the ropes.

D: Ropes? Ropes? It’s my life we’re talking about! How did “ropes” enter this conversation?

M: It’s different for girls. It would be so good for your father and me to see you settled.

D: (humming No Doubt's "Just a girl")

(Enter, the father, a.k.a. the voice of reason)

Father: Why’s the newspaper marked in red?

D: Ma’s on a man-hunt. (winking)Right, Ma?

F: Again? Let D be. She needs to figure out her life before taking the …ahem, plunge, so to speak.

D: (aside) My hero!!!!!! (aloud) My hero!!!!!!!!!