Ring out the old, ring in the new

I quite steadfastly resisted the devil of dissecting the year that was and sharing acquired wisdom (such as it is), but I realize that introspection, soul-searching, and such psychobabble, are made of sturdier stuff.

Most of us buy into the great indulgence of January 1st- checking-off the fulfilled resolutions from the previous year and making new resolutions. I tried to convince myself that just because one has transitioned through 31st December 2007 to 1st January 2008, taking stock is not in order. In fact “stock-taking” can be satisfactorily indulged in on, say, 17th May or 25th July of any year. Heck, it can be done everyday. Commerce does it on the 1st of April every year. My friend takes stock after each boyfriend. My mother does so on birthdays (my birthdays. For further information, read previous post).

Fate seldom plays fair and, as I said, stock-taking comes from hardier, well stock! Just when I was scoffing at people who make resolutions on the first day of each year and then suffer through the humiliation/frustration of not achieving their goals and are then reduced to embittered souls driven down the vale of depression (ok, I exaggerate), I came across the list of my new year’s resolutions from 2003, buried in the pages of Gone with the wind.

I had used the list as a bookmark. I have forgotten why I stopped making resolutions; perhaps because unattained resolutions reminded one of one’s foibles, of the innate weakness of not staying the course. Wondering why now, of all times, it had to surface and why I never threw it away, I went through the list. After the overwhelming nostalgia subsided, I too slipped into self-examination mode, exorcising demons and ghosts and basking in the afterglow of triumphs, as they were.

Ok, demons and ghosts first. Shrinks call them “lost possible selves” or “alternate versions of oneself”. What we could/should have been. “I wish I had taken singing and guitar lessons more seriously”. “I wish I still spoke to the friends I have left behind”. These reflections are almost always tinged, nay, always have generous dollops of regret/remorse/penitence. Past mistakes or missed opportunities, vie for your attention. If only I had. What if I had…? I wonder what he/she is doing now. And so on. We wish we could do things differently, turn back Time and redress the past. I try to have an optimistic view of regrets; that they come with expiry dates. “Regret” ceases to be “regret”, when you view it in the context of the joys you have now. May be getting what you wanted then would never have resulted in this present happiness. Perhaps, with the benefit of hindsight, regrets just become the roads which you didn’t take, so you could go down the path you have chosen for yourself. Seen in the grand scheme of things, gains outweigh regrets…er, maybe.

And then there’s the good news. Events, things and people I’m grateful for. The gains which outweigh regrets. The joys, triumphs, goodnesses, mercies, favours and blessings that came your way. “I got a raise”, “My son has a job”, “My health has improved”. Things that fill you with hope and happiness. Knowing that you braved the storms with fortitude and emerged undefeated and stronger, and not worse, for the wear. The skills you gained, the new friends you made, the places you visited, the smiles you brought, the tears you wiped, the adventures you sought and the lessons you learned. You can then greet the New Year with open arms and a toothy grin, and get ready for yet another roller-coaster ride.

Happy new year everyone. Bust your ghosts and count your blessings.